


Unsteady

by BrinaMay



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Protection Squad, F/M, Support Systems, suicide prevention, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7700086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrinaMay/pseuds/BrinaMay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes life can just get to be to much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsteady

He stared at the TV, eyes as blank as the screen before him. He felt something. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was everything. He didn't know. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to stop.  
A shutter ran through him, rubbing at the base of his done and leaving him with a pounding headache. His hands clenched into fists, teeth grinding together in anger. Not just at the world, for being so cruel and unfair. Not just at Hydra for turning him into this freakish ghost story.   
But himself.  
He'd never felt so weak, so blank, so...so empty.   
"Bucky?" A tired voice asked quietly from the hallway behind him, making him stiffen from the break of silence.  
"Go to bed." His voice rasped.  
It fell quiet again, though no footsteps sounded. He knew she'd be standing there, bottom lip held between her teeth on worry and hands wringing together. He didn't want to turn around though. Too turn around and see her in that pale pink night gotten she wore, dirty brown curls dusting over her shoulders.  
"Bucky, baby..." She started toward him.  
"I said go to bed."   
His voice was harsh, firm in his demand. He could all but hear her flinch. She took a shaky breath.   
He felt the couch beside him dip down slightly. He could smell the strawberry from her shall. He took a deep breath, rubbing a hand down his face as he let it out. He was a mess.  
"Talk to me." Her words were a plea that set him on the edge of a cliff.  
"I don't think I can do this." His voice lost the anger, gaining the pain that burned at him.  
Her took her silent as a key to go on. He looked down, eyes burning with unshed tears. No matter how used to it he was, he'd always hate the shinning metal that replaced the flesh of his left arm.   
"I...I just don't know what to do."   
"Bucky, baby..." She reached for him, her small hand tucking itself inside of the one that made him the monster. "It'll get better."  
"It'll get better." He scowled angrily, pulling from her and standing up, running a hand through his shaggy hair. "I shouldn't have to fucking try to feel better. I shouldn't even fucking be here."   
"You can't change what happened."  
"And what the fuck do you know?"  
He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch a hole the the wall. And most of wall, he wanted to smack that pathetic, sympathetic look off of the brunettes worried face. But he couldn't.  
So be did the next best thing.  
The vase slammed to the ground before he registered what he was doing. The water splattering along with the shattered chunks of emerald tinted glass, the vibrantly colored tulips all bundled together. He stomped on them, grinding them into the tiled floor with pure hatred.   
He heard her choked cry, his fist slamming into the wall and breaking the drywall. He takes it out, the skin around his knuckles cracked open and the blood started slowly oozing out. She stood, steps hesitant and eyes full of tears.   
He leaned his back against the wall and slowly slid down. The vase, her tears, the wall; it was all to much. He felt his eyes well up as he closed them, leaving a burning trail as they slid down.   
"It'll be okay." Her voice broke, gentle hands taking his flesh on.   
Her fingers trembled against his skin. He opened his eyes to stare at her, slowly moving to pull her into his arms. Her face buried into his chest, her body shaking as he held onto her tightly.   
"Please, don't....don't do anything that..." Her voice broke.  
He knew what she was trying to say. He'd heard it from Steve before, when he'd had a breakdown soon after being reunited. He heard it from Sam, having known what it was like due to his own time in the military and having spent too many nights worrying about the people he tried to help. He knew what she was trying to say and it killed him inside.  
"I know it seems hard right now, but it always gets better. It has too." She held him like a lifeline. "And if it doesnt, we can try getting help, and if that doesn't help then..."  
"Maggie..." He whispered her name, taking a deep breath. "I think I..."  
He swallowed, trying to build up the courage to say it. Back in his day people didn't air out their dirty laundry like this. If they were feeling depressed they either hit the bottle or grab a nearby belt. It was either that or going to the crazy house.  He didn't want to do either. He just wanted to feel something besides this.   
"I want to talk to someone."   
"Are you sure?" She looked up at him, eyes hesitant, not wanting to push him but knowing he needed it.   
"I, it'll be what's best."  
"Of course."  
He tried to steady his breathing. Tried to steady the trembling that made his hands shake. Her fingers pressed to his cheek as she stood up, his eyes following her to the kitchen where she grabbed the first aid kit.  
"Take a deep breath in." She demonstrated, though it hitched in her throat a bit. "And out."  
He did as she told him to, repeating it over and over as she got on her knees beside him. He watched her gently clean out the cut, spreading out the antibacterial cream before smoothing a bandaid over it. He reached up, the cool metal refreshing against her burning cheeks.  
"Thank you." He whispered.  
"I'm always here for you." She spoke quietly, gripping onto his hand. "So is Steve and everyone else. We love you Bucky. I love you."   
"I love you too."   
He pulled her into his arms one more, kissing her forehead gently. He closed his eyes a moment, holding onto her until the burning in his chest had soothed down.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want everyone to know that there are people out there who care, even though it doesn't feel like that all the time.   
> I love you all, stay safe.


End file.
